Hai, Billy Mays Here!

I didn't think I would say this publicly, but I now have a new-found respect and admiration for the television useless crap salesman Billy Mays. I have had a difficult time liking that high-pitched screetch of a voice that can be heard all the way to Patagonia. But he seems to be a likeable person. I would assume that there are some people who love him dearly.

I sat with laughter and amazement last night watching the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Mays did a sales bit on the show with a Shakespearean twist to it. This is a guy who can actually make fun of himself and have a good time doing it. This self-effacing attitude is a trait that marks him as okay in my book because it takes a certain amount of humility to do what he did last night.

My knowledge of Shakespear is quite limited, but I can usually identify it when I hear famous lines, as long as I'm not asked what plays they're from (so don't ask!). Mays skillfully integrated famous lines from Shakespearean plays with his sales pitch for Oxy Clean and the Big City Slider Station (I forgot which other ones he peddled). I actually laughed the hardest when he said, "But wait! Call right now and I'll throw in...a horse, a horse! My kingdom for a horse!"

What added to the comedy was Mays' sidekick, dressed as a Shakespearean character, pulling those goofy products out of a wooden chest that was inlaid with velvet cloth so that Mays could continue with his schtick.

So, Bravo! to Billy Mays. I can guarantee that Shakespear was rolling over in his grave. But not to worry-- he's used to it!

Musical Interlude

This video features a neo-progressive band from England called IQ. I'm a fan of progressive rock because the musicians actually play their instruments. The drummer doesn't merely keep a beat, the guitarist isn't reduced to three chords, the bassist doesn't engage in chord-hopping, the keyboardist varies the sounds, and the lyrics are deep and meaningful. It's a sound that we don't hear much, but some well-known progressive bands are Rush, Yes, Genesis, Pink Floyd, and Dream Theater-- and they're all great!

With that introduction I present for your viewing and listening pleasure, IQ and their song "The Wake".

Bale, Phelps, et al

Actor Christian Bale recently went on an expletive-filled tirade that was recorded and played over and over. Olympic swimming gold medalist Michael Phelps was caught taking some hits on a bong. A picture of the incident has been plastered and fixed on our TV screens.

Many have said that they are completely disgusted with the antics of these guys. They won't go to see any movie with Bale in it or will boycott products endorsed by Phelps.

"They're supposed to be 'role models' and they let us down," people say (or something to that effect). Some people are even falling apart because they are left without someone to emulate.

Fine.

Here's what I think: If I need a "role model" and it isn't me, I'm in big trouble. When I live vicariously through public figures (or anyone else for that matter) I am nothing but an empty shell. I'm living someone else's life rather than my own. Revolving my entire significance and being and life on a few select individuals is a recipe for failure. Face it-- these people are not that great. They're talented, yes. But as members of the human race they are no better or no worse than you and me. Actors, athletes, politicians, entrepreneuers, pastors, teachers, motivational speakers-- it doesn't matter who they are. Not one of them will ever make a great role model or hero.

Remember that ad campaign in the early 90's "Be Like Mike" [Michael Jordan]? If I remember correctly, it was for a cereal brand or for a shoe company-- can't remember exactly. But, be like Mike???!!! Why bother? This isn't meant to excoriate his amazing athletic ability on the court. It's just realistic. I don't want to be like Mike. I want Mike to be like Mike. And I can play a game of basketball for the sheer joy of it and without this fantasy swirling in my head to be like Mike. And that doesn't mean that I can't learn some basketball skills from him.

Eddie Van Halen has been my favorite guitar player since I was in high school. He's divorced and has been in and out of detox and rehab. He's a cancer survivor. And I couldn't care less. I like him. I admire his talent. But what good does it do to sit around and wring my hands because of the tragic downfall of a celebrity? And that doesn't mean that I can't sharpen up my guitar skills by listening to the man play.

Watching my own language, making sure I don't smoke pot, and keeping my marriage intact is my job-- not floundering over the indiscretions of overblown stardom. So, I can go see a movie starring Christian Bale and enjoy it for what it is. I can buy a product endorsed by Michael Phelps without a painful story that says he shouldn't have partied so hard or that he must apologize. I can watch old footage of Michael Jordan playing basketball thankful for such agility and prowess. I can listen to Van Halen because my life is not defined by Eddie's personal demons.

I have one role model: me. And that's not even true, because the fact is I don't need a role model. I have friends and acquaintences whom I consider to be mentors. They give me good ideas. They help me sort things out. Why would I ever want to imitate them? And if any of them experienced a downfall, I could help them without being blown away by disappointment and futility.

I know what you might be thinking: What about Jesus? Isn't he a role model?

In short, no. He's our Messiah, and he lives in and through his body, the Church (that's you and me). He doesn't need our admiration and adulation. He wants ambassadors who are not at all diminished by obsessing over him, but who are filled with his Spirit. We are called to follow, not wallow. We pray for his strength, his love, his kingdom to bear on our tired world filled with role models and hero worship. This is what Christ empowers us to do. This is worship.