Scanning the Zohar

A few years ago I dabbled in a spiritual practice called "scanning the Zohar". In case you don't know what that is, The Zohar is the sacred text of Kabbalistic Spirituality. Kabbalists claim that one doesn't need to actually read the Zohar (which most people cannot accomplish since the text is in Hebrew). Merely scanning over the Hebrew characters contained in The Zohar would supposedly unlock spiritual powers effective enough to take the edge off of a painful existence. And that's what I wanted. So I gave it a shot. Before retiring for the evening I had my mini Zohar on the table next to my bed and I would just scan over the Hebrew letters from right to left.

How did I get into this? I read a book about Jesus called Rabbi Jesus by Bruce Chilton. In this so-called "biography" of the historical Jesus, Chilton makes the claim that Jesus was a practitioner of Kabbalah, even going so far as saying that Jesus frequently engaged in merkavah (the throne-chariot of God) meditation. Jesus was therefore a mystic, you see. Chilton's book wasn't the only one that got my on a mystical path. Another one that was very influential in my thinking was The Holy Longing by Ronald Rohlheiser. I remember distinctly from this book that Christian spirituality in the new millennium must include becoming a mystic.

Well, if Jesus was a kabbalist, then what would it hurt if I became one? So I started to investigate what Kabbalah was all about and found out about a place called The Kabbalah Centre. Their goal is to make the spiritual wisdom found in quite complicated kabbalistic thought and systems accessible to the everyday, common person. I was fascinated by the experiences of the various founders and practitioners of this spiritual "technology" and decided that this might be a spiritual path that "works" for me.

So, I did as I was taught. I scanned The Zohar. I even tried Merkavah Meditation, as much as I could understand. It was peaceful, I guess. But then something happened:

Life! However, I was so wrapped up in myself and my "practice" that my urge to escape life became more powerful than ever. I was trying to find a way out of my earlier escapism, and I really thought this would be the way. But I found myself becoming more distant, aloof, and anxious than I was before. I wanted to have an "experience" so badly that I would try and try and try and read and read and read until I could finally have some peace with myself and the world around me. But I found that everyday life was something "in the way". So I hid myself in my own little world even further.

It might be claimed that I wasn't "doing it right", whatever "it" was. I needed a mentor, a spiritual guide, an advisor, a coach-- somebody to keep me on the right track. I never hired a mystical mentor because: a) I couldn't afford one, and b) what would I do when I was by myself again? I guess I could have gotten coaching over the phone or the internet. In any case, I could have been doing it incorrectly.

Well, excuse me!!!! I already had the feeling (sic) that I wasn't doing it right, which is why I was on the spiritual treadmill to begin with. And now I was being told that I had to work harder and be persistent. It started to become hair-raising. It became another dimension of life that was confusing and crazy. The irony here is impressive-- an anxiety-ridden pastor trying to rid himself of his anxiety by adding more anxiety to his life!

How did I get out of this? Next post. Stay tuned!!