Guilt and Drama

Here's the post I promised.

I was thinking as I was driving back to New Lenox from Detroit, reflecting on a conversation with fellow circuit visitors about addiction. Many different points of view were offered, and we discussed many types of addiction. One that we don't think of very often is internet addiction. This is not necessarily an addiction to pornorgraphy, but a pervasive craving to be perpetually online. That's an interesting phenomenon in and of itself, and could be worth looking into. But I couldn't get away from wondering about the nature of addiction. How and why does it happen?

First, we must all admit that, to a certain extent, we all, without exception, have addictive personalities. Put bluntly, everyone is addicted to something. Certainly everyone is addicted to breathing. If you don't believe me, try holding your breath for 20 minutes or so.

Usually when we think about addiction we almost automatically think in the direction of substances, such as drugs and alcohol, or sensory things, such as porn and the internet. After thinking about my own addictions (yes, I have a couple, and if you were brutally honest you will admit to such as well), I'm beginning to think that people aren't really addicted to substances. Not really. Something far deeper is at play that is exacerbated by sensuality and substance. These are the things that either get our adrenaline flowing or make us comfortably numb.

I'm not a psychologist and I don't play one on TV (or in my office, for that matter), but I think there are things we can't tolerate but have been conditioned to believe that we can't do without them. One of them is drama. We're addicted to drama. We've been trained to believe that life is supposed to be exciting and titillating, like an ongoing sugar rush. So we seek things that offer us a reality that is elusive but seemingly very rational. They make sense, and we are absorbed into something that is not of our own making. It's a fantasy land and we actually believe that we are completely engaged in it. Think about how people are drawn into movies and theatre. The task of the actors, on stage or screen, is to create an illusion of reality, as if there is a transparent veil between them and the audience. The parts are played in such a way as to draw the audience across the veil right into the middle of the action to make them believe they are actually participating and experiencing the action. The audience knows that it isn't real, but somehow a switch is flipped and the action has rings of truth to it. Or so it seems. That's why it's called an illusion of reality. It's live action but it's not authentic. The audience is swept up in the moment and, in their minds, the action is real and authentic. That's the nature of entertainment. People are taken outside of themselves into an illusion. We live for it. We're addicted to it. The illusion is then etched on the mind and is then subtlely projected onto the outside world which we experience, called reality, and we continue to live in an illusion. You would be very surprised how many people live these complexities, and then wonder why life doesn't make much sense at all. You don't necessarily have to be clinically diagnosed with a histrionic disorder to experience this. Everyone has a preconditioned story, fueled by drama, entertainment, and amusement, that is projected onto life.

And then there's guilt. There's an underlying but unspoken assumption that we are all supposed to be ashamed and/or guilty of something. Try this-- think of something that you did that was embarrassing or wrong. I'll bet it didn't take you long. Then riddle me this-- why was it embarrassing or wrong? Who wrote the rules? You? Me? Others? Does it matter? The guilt and accompanying feelings were there. Why?

We're addicted to guilt. We can't live without it. We must be ashamed of something; our own guilt-ridden environment dictates it. In shame, we hide from the accusing eyes that are upon us. Sometimes we're the accusing eye. That's what guilt and shame does.

Now we've come full circle-- guilt is produced by drama. One feeds the other, and vice versa. To assuage guilt we head for drama (or things that are seemingly dramatic, like substances and sensuality), which then produces more guilt. It's a vicious cycle. Can the circle be broken?

I don't have a step-by-step process, but one thing I believe is absolutely necessary is to realize that our preconditioned stories, as much as we love them and cling to them voraciously, are pure, unadulterated lies. We are not who we think we are, and we aren't the megastarts we wish ourselves to be-- until, of course, we are (which rarely happens). Knowing this cuts right into the merry-go-round and applies the brakes.

We come to know this by intense interrogation of our stories. Byron Katie astutely observed that whenever we're experiencings stress, overwhelming guilt, or anxiety, we're believing a story that isn't true. These stories constantly move through our minds like garbage on a conveyor and are played on perpetual repeat.

What if we started to question the validity and truthfulness of the drama we witness and the stories we cling to? This actually make Biblical sense. If we are justified by grace through faith in Christ, we are truly free. So, why keep going back to the Egypt of drama and guilt? Instead, what if we question the strength of "Egypt's" hold on us. What if we are really free from the guilt of slavery and the drama of having to make bricks without straw?

Just thinking. How about you?